09
Jul
18

Explaining


*** DISCLAIMER – THIS BLOG IS FICTION AND THE AUTHOR IS NOT LIABLE FOR THE ACTIONS OF ANYONE WHO PERSISTS IN THINKING IT IS NOT FICTION ***

I have had some explaining to do lately.  I was “invited” to my club and told to sit down amidst a gathering of my peers.

I was then told I had been entertaining New Vampires regularly at my “place of residence”.

My jaw dropped at this.  Someone must have seen the new New Vampire Representative enter my home and lose no time in selling on this information.

I mustered my composure and replied that only one New Vampire had entered my home and surely this is a matter for The Ruler’s Men.

There was uproar at this and when the room had quietened down an ally of mine called James asked me why even one New Vampire was entering my home.

I explained that it was the new New Vampire Representative who had come on business and that, as much as I wanted to, I had no grounds to refuse him as he was observing Old Vampire etiquette.

That drew murmurs from the crowd and looks of sympathy from my allies, because we all observe the proper etiquette and if they had been in my place could not have refused Darren entry.

I then remembered what I learnt from the Human Police Representative, looked them straight in their eyes and asked if they had any proof.

There were more mutters at this and so I asked if they had any eyewitnesses and the mutters dissipated somewhat.

So, I sighed and said that I was sorry they had gone to all this trouble on the strength of bad information, stood up and left.

Jane was waiting for me in a state of agitation when I came home and I had to spend some time dispelling her fears that we would be turned out of the house I own.  It is only New Vampires who act like mobs.

Glossary

Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons

Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire

Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society.  They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes.  They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.

The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity

The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans

Fence an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing

The Hunters see Vampire Hunters

Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.

New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs.  This started after Dracula came out.

Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative

Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say

Old Vampires vampires who are polite society.  Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.

Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society

The Ruler’s Men people employed by The Ruler to do anything she or he asks

Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release

Sire the vampire who made you a vampire

Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status.  See Negatives and Thousands

Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points

Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points

Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes

Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves.  Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve

Walk into the sun a euphemism for suicide

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03
Jul
18

Replacement


*** DISCLAIMER – THIS BLOG IS FICTION AND THE AUTHOR IS NOT LIABLE FOR THE ACTIONS OF ANYONE WHO PERSISTS IN THINKING IT IS NOT FICTION *** 

Nosferatu has been replaced.  We have not been informed why, but my conjecture is that Columbine’s contaminated blood proved that he was not serving his people.

The first I knew was when Jane brought his replacement’s card in to my home.  This was the first time a New Vampire had come to my home, but since he was observing our social etiquette I could not refuse him.

Jane showed what appeared to be a bowler-hatted businessman into the room and left to arrange drinks.  No doubt she had made enquiries as to his preferences when showing him in.

After some small talk, I congratulated him on his new post, which opened the way for the business which brought him here.

It seems he wanted to “come to an understanding” about Columbine and find out what my interest in her was.

I freely admitted my fall from grace since this New Vampire is obviously no fool (unlike his predecessor) and would be wondering why I have no castle unlike my peers.

I then informed him that I was hoping Columbine would share some information that may have currency, or more likely, someone would have need of knowledge about New Vampires in the future.

He gave a small nod and informed me that while Columbine was free to have any visitors she chose, New Vampires would be taking back the delivery of blood to the New Vampires in the prison.

He passed the details of his associate who would be working there to me.  I have already met with Michelle and appraised her of the situation.  He also informed me that the perpetrator was theirs to deal with, as any perpetrator who contaminated Old Vampire blood supplies would be ours.

After that, he made his goodbyes and left.  I will carry on visiting Columbine as long as she will see me.

Glossary

Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons

Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire

Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society.  They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes.  They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.

The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity

The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans

Fence an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing

The Hunters see Vampire Hunters

Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.

New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs.  This started after Dracula came out.

Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative

Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say

Old Vampires vampires who are polite society.  Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.

Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society

The Ruler’s Men people employed by The Ruler to do anything she or he asks

Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release

Sire the vampire who made you a vampire

Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status.  See Negatives and Thousands

Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points

Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points

Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes

Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves.  Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve

Walk into the sun a euphemism for suicide

26
Jun
18

Emergency


*** DISCLAIMER – THIS BLOG IS FICTION AND THE AUTHOR IS NOT LIABLE FOR THE ACTIONS OF ANYONE WHO PERSISTS IN THINKING IT IS NOT FICTION ***

It is the first time that anyone has called an emergency session of The Committee and I needed the threat of personally dragging everyone down to our offices in North End, Portsmouth to ensure attendance.

Once I had them there I gave them ten minutes to worry about what was going on and walked in late.

As one, they rose and opened their mouths and when they saw my face as one they slunk down in their seats.

Saskia, the Werewolf Representative, then correctly identified the fluid in my container as blood contaminated with acid, where I retorted that I had removed it from Columbine’s cell.

The New Vampire Representative, Nosferatu, cowered in his seat and started muttering excuses about being busy and left to “make enquiries” after he could not face the stares of the others.

The others are Andy who is the Human Police Representative and Saskia, who I must admit look after their people well.

Andy asked if security at the prison knew and I said “I had a word” with them and he left to make enquiries.

Saskia asked how long this has been going on. I had to admit that I do not know because poor Columbine only has short periods of lucidity at the moment.

Andy returned to say that security had no clue what was going on and it would be better if The Committee took the situation in hand.

I had been hoping he would say that but did not want to exceed my authority as the current Ruler can be punitive with those who do.

Andy has taken charge of the matter. As his job involves investigating incidents he is best placed to take control of the situation. Also, because he is human he will receive more co-operation from the prison authorities than I or Nosferatu ever would.

Glossary

Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons
Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire
Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society. They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes. They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.
The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity
The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans
Fence an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing
The Hunters see Vampire Hunters
Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.
New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs. This started after Dracula came out.
Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative
Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say
Old Vampires vampires who are polite society. Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.
Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society
The Ruler’s Men people employed by The Ruler to do anything she or he asks
Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release
Sire the vampire who made you a vampire
Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status. See Negatives and Thousands
Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points
Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points
Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes
Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves. Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve
Walk into the sun a euphemism for suicide

19
Jun
18

Columbine


*** DISCLAIMER – THIS BLOG IS FICTION AND THE AUTHOR IS NOT LIABLE FOR THE ACTIONS OF ANYONE WHO PERSISTS IN THINKING IT IS NOT FICTION ***

Columbine has been in touch with me.  She is a New Vampire who is incarcerated in the prison where I used to work.

It will surprise new readers that I was even thinking of speaking to a New Vampire, but she needed company and I gained information about New Vampires from her.

It is a mark of how low I have fallen that I am associating with her in the hope of turning information into currency.

I received a letter from her, which was as badly written and spelt as I thought New Vampires would write.

The letter contained the accusation that Michelle, who has my old job at the prison, was withholding blood from her.

A simple telephone call to the prison reassured me that this was not so.  If Columbine had been an Old Vampire, this would have been a deliberate ploy to direct my attention to Michelle.

However, Michelle is not responsible for delivering blood nor spending time with New Vampires and my checks show she is performing her duties superbly.

I suspected that Columbine wished to talk to me privately and made a visit to the prison, where what I suspected turned out to be true.

One look at her showed her to be a shaking wreck of a vampire and I had to merely sniff her blood supply to know it had been contaminated.

I have called an emergency session of The Committee to deal with this; meanwhile I telephoned my servant Jane to deliver some of her blood supplies to Columbine as we cannot have a hallucinating vampire in the prison as they are a danger to everyone.

I also informed the prison security of this, properly cowing them into submission and leaving them shaking and swearing to find the perpetrator.  I doubt they will.

Glossary

Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons

Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire

Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society.  They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes.  They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.

The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity

The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans

Fence an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing

The Hunters see Vampire Hunters

Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.

New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs.  This started after Dracula came out.

Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative

Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say

Old Vampires vampires who are polite society.  Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.

Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society

The Ruler’s Men people employed by The Ruler to do anything she or he asks

Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release

Sire the vampire who made you a vampire

Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status.  See Negatives and Thousands

Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points

Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points

Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes

Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves.  Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve

Walk into the sun a euphemism for suicide

13
Jun
18

Employees


*** DISCLAIMER – THIS BLOG IS FICTION AND THE AUTHOR IS NOT LIABLE FOR THE ACTIONS OF ANYONE WHO PERSISTS IN THINKING IT IS NOT FICTION ***

I have a natural advantage over human employers because I have been an employer for several centuries.

One of the rules I live by and which many human employers do not seem to understand is to keep those you employ happy.

For example, many human employers would ignore Jane’s unhappiness at living in castle after castle while I am ascertaining that Debutante Vampires are being trained properly.

They may even retort that it is “part of the job”.  That is certainly true, but dissatisfied employees always find a way to take out their unhappiness on their employers, whereas a happy employee does their best to carry out your wishes.

Of course, there is a limit to how far you indulge your employees.  For example, I have rejected Jane’s request for an extra day off for more training.

I am satisfied with the way Jane is progressing.  While she is not perfect, most of her duties are performed well and there has been a gradual improvement in the standard of her work over the years she has worked for me.

Most human employers do not realise that if the standard of work of your employee is dropping, they need to speak to the employee and ascertain what is wrong.

It is normally the butler’s job to do this.  A good butler will do this before his employer realises there is anything wrong

Since I have no butler, I am responsible for staff relations.  It is not an easy job, but fortunately I only have Jane and Michelle at the prison to oversee.

I do not like that Michelle is my employee, but it has been made clear that I am responsible for both her successes and her failures while she is at the prison.

Glossary

Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons

Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire

Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society.  They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes.  They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.

The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity

The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans

Fence an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing

The Hunters see Vampire Hunters

Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.

New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs.  This started after Dracula came out.

Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative

Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say

Old Vampires vampires who are polite society.  Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.

Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society

The Ruler’s Men people employed by The Ruler to do anything she or he asks

Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release

Sire the vampire who made you a vampire

Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status.  See Negatives and Thousands

Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points

Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points

Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes

Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves.  Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve

Walk into the sun a euphemism for suicide

05
Jun
18

Jane


*** DISCLAIMER – THIS BLOG IS FICTION AND THE AUTHOR IS NOT LIABLE FOR THE ACTIONS OF ANYONE WHO PERSISTS IN THINKING IT IS NOT FICTION ***

My servant Jane is now out of sorts because of all the time we have recently spent living in castles.

She claims that the training she receives from other Old Vampire Servants is being disrupted.

In reality, the reason is that Jane simply does not like castles, which is why she is the only servant presiding over a semi-detached house instead of one amongst many in a castle.

I speculate that this dislike comes about in part because when she is in a castle she will be treated as a curiosity to be endured.

No other Old Vampire Servant is the sole servant in a home and Jane must fulfil all functions, which is why she continues to have so much training.

I have refused a request for an extra half day off, pointing out that she has centuries to complete her training and cannot absorb it all in one decade, no matter how fast she learns.

Indeed, all Old Vampire butlers have the attitude that perfection is something to be continually strived for and only while striving will one maintain that state.

I suspect the other reason why she dislikes castles is because she is not in control of what is going on.

I must spend some time at home in order to placate her, or goodness knows what will happen next.

An unhappy servant of any kind can wreak havoc with a well-run house, “forgetting” or “mislaying” objects and instructions.

Jane is a good servant and I am loath to annoy her without due cause, as it could cause her to seek employment elsewhere.

While it is not unusual for junior servants to change employers, it is less usual for senior servants and almost unheard of for butlers.

This will be the first time I have had to tiptoe around a servant as the butler normally sorts out all such matters.

Glossary

Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons

Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire

Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society.  They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes.  They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.

The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity

The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans

Fence an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing

The Hunters see Vampire Hunters

Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.

New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs.  This started after Dracula came out.

Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative

Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say

Old Vampires vampires who are polite society.  Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.

Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society

The Ruler’s Men people employed by The Ruler to do anything she or he asks

Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release

Sire the vampire who made you a vampire

Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status.  See Negatives and Thousands

Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points

Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points

Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes

Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves.  Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve

Walk into the sun a euphemism for suicide

22
May
18

Reporting to The Ruler


*** DISCLAIMER – THIS BLOG IS FICTION AND THE AUTHOR IS NOT LIABLE FOR THE ACTIONS OF ANYONE WHO PERSISTS IN THINKING IT IS NOT FICTION ***

Readers will have noticed that the frequency in my posts has been somewhat erratic of late.

This is because The Ruler has tasked me with reporting on the Debutante Vampires in Britain.

My readers may remember that it was a Debutante Vampire who killed prominent humans last year.

Before this, people were saying that standards of training had dropped.

I took little notice of this, as I have my own problems and also because it is a complaint I have heard every decade since I have been an Old Vampire.

It seems that this complaint, coupled with the results of the interviews The Ruler’s Men have had with The Human Killer, have spurred on our Ruler to act with unprecedented speed.

Because of this I have been recently tasked with a new duty: to make an inspection of the Debutantes we have.

A list of the few we have is supplied to me by the Status Keeper and I now travel yearly to interview them.

I have until the end of the year to interview each Debutante, but when I enquired I was informed that it was up to my discretion when I carry out each interview.

The task is a pleasant one; an opportunity to live in a castle for a week per Debutante and see how their training is carried out.

Jane was not best pleased to be back in a castle again but has hidden her displeasure with good grace.

As for myself, it gives me opportunities to cement old allies, make new ones and to make enemies afraid.

My enemies know I would not give false report of training; with good reason they are afraid of what information my servant and I will find out while I am here.

Glossary
Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons
Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire
Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society. They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes. They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.
The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity
The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans
Fence an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing
The Hunters see Vampire Hunters
Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.
New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs. This started after Dracula came out.
Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative
Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say
Old Vampires vampires who are polite society. Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.
Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society
The Ruler’s Men people employed by The Ruler to do anything she or he asks
Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release
Sire the vampire who made you a vampire
Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status. See Negatives and Thousands
Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points
Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points
Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes
Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves. Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve
Walk into the sun a euphemism for suicide




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