19
Jun
18

Columbine


*** DISCLAIMER – THIS BLOG IS FICTION AND THE AUTHOR IS NOT LIABLE FOR THE ACTIONS OF ANYONE WHO PERSISTS IN THINKING IT IS NOT FICTION ***

Columbine has been in touch with me.  She is a New Vampire who is incarcerated in the prison where I used to work.

It will surprise new readers that I was even thinking of speaking to a New Vampire, but she needed company and I gained information about New Vampires from her.

It is a mark of how low I have fallen that I am associating with her in the hope of turning information into currency.

I received a letter from her, which was as badly written and spelt as I thought New Vampires would write.

The letter contained the accusation that Michelle, who has my old job at the prison, was withholding blood from her.

A simple telephone call to the prison reassured me that this was not so.  If Columbine had been an Old Vampire, this would have been a deliberate ploy to direct my attention to Michelle.

However, Michelle is not responsible for delivering blood nor spending time with New Vampires and my checks show she is performing her duties superbly.

I suspected that Columbine wished to talk to me privately and made a visit to the prison, where what I suspected turned out to be true.

One look at her showed her to be a shaking wreck of a vampire and I had to merely sniff her blood supply to know it had been contaminated.

I have called an emergency session of The Committee to deal with this; meanwhile I telephoned my servant Jane to deliver some of her blood supplies to Columbine as we cannot have a hallucinating vampire in the prison as they are a danger to everyone.

I also informed the prison security of this, properly cowing them into submission and leaving them shaking and swearing to find the perpetrator.  I doubt they will.

Glossary

Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons

Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire

Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society.  They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes.  They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.

The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity

The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans

Fence an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing

The Hunters see Vampire Hunters

Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.

New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs.  This started after Dracula came out.

Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative

Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say

Old Vampires vampires who are polite society.  Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.

Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society

The Ruler’s Men people employed by The Ruler to do anything she or he asks

Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release

Sire the vampire who made you a vampire

Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status.  See Negatives and Thousands

Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points

Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points

Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes

Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves.  Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve

Walk into the sun a euphemism for suicide

Advertisements
13
Jun
18

Employees


*** DISCLAIMER – THIS BLOG IS FICTION AND THE AUTHOR IS NOT LIABLE FOR THE ACTIONS OF ANYONE WHO PERSISTS IN THINKING IT IS NOT FICTION ***

I have a natural advantage over human employers because I have been an employer for several centuries.

One of the rules I live by and which many human employers do not seem to understand is to keep those you employ happy.

For example, many human employers would ignore Jane’s unhappiness at living in castle after castle while I am ascertaining that Debutante Vampires are being trained properly.

They may even retort that it is “part of the job”.  That is certainly true, but dissatisfied employees always find a way to take out their unhappiness on their employers, whereas a happy employee does their best to carry out your wishes.

Of course, there is a limit to how far you indulge your employees.  For example, I have rejected Jane’s request for an extra day off for more training.

I am satisfied with the way Jane is progressing.  While she is not perfect, most of her duties are performed well and there has been a gradual improvement in the standard of her work over the years she has worked for me.

Most human employers do not realise that if the standard of work of your employee is dropping, they need to speak to the employee and ascertain what is wrong.

It is normally the butler’s job to do this.  A good butler will do this before his employer realises there is anything wrong

Since I have no butler, I am responsible for staff relations.  It is not an easy job, but fortunately I only have Jane and Michelle at the prison to oversee.

I do not like that Michelle is my employee, but it has been made clear that I am responsible for both her successes and her failures while she is at the prison.

Glossary

Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons

Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire

Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society.  They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes.  They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.

The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity

The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans

Fence an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing

The Hunters see Vampire Hunters

Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.

New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs.  This started after Dracula came out.

Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative

Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say

Old Vampires vampires who are polite society.  Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.

Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society

The Ruler’s Men people employed by The Ruler to do anything she or he asks

Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release

Sire the vampire who made you a vampire

Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status.  See Negatives and Thousands

Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points

Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points

Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes

Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves.  Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve

Walk into the sun a euphemism for suicide

05
Jun
18

Jane


*** DISCLAIMER – THIS BLOG IS FICTION AND THE AUTHOR IS NOT LIABLE FOR THE ACTIONS OF ANYONE WHO PERSISTS IN THINKING IT IS NOT FICTION ***

My servant Jane is now out of sorts because of all the time we have recently spent living in castles.

She claims that the training she receives from other Old Vampire Servants is being disrupted.

In reality, the reason is that Jane simply does not like castles, which is why she is the only servant presiding over a semi-detached house instead of one amongst many in a castle.

I speculate that this dislike comes about in part because when she is in a castle she will be treated as a curiosity to be endured.

No other Old Vampire Servant is the sole servant in a home and Jane must fulfil all functions, which is why she continues to have so much training.

I have refused a request for an extra half day off, pointing out that she has centuries to complete her training and cannot absorb it all in one decade, no matter how fast she learns.

Indeed, all Old Vampire butlers have the attitude that perfection is something to be continually strived for and only while striving will one maintain that state.

I suspect the other reason why she dislikes castles is because she is not in control of what is going on.

I must spend some time at home in order to placate her, or goodness knows what will happen next.

An unhappy servant of any kind can wreak havoc with a well-run house, “forgetting” or “mislaying” objects and instructions.

Jane is a good servant and I am loath to annoy her without due cause, as it could cause her to seek employment elsewhere.

While it is not unusual for junior servants to change employers, it is less usual for senior servants and almost unheard of for butlers.

This will be the first time I have had to tiptoe around a servant as the butler normally sorts out all such matters.

Glossary

Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons

Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire

Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society.  They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes.  They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.

The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity

The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans

Fence an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing

The Hunters see Vampire Hunters

Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.

New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs.  This started after Dracula came out.

Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative

Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say

Old Vampires vampires who are polite society.  Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.

Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society

The Ruler’s Men people employed by The Ruler to do anything she or he asks

Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release

Sire the vampire who made you a vampire

Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status.  See Negatives and Thousands

Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points

Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points

Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes

Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves.  Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve

Walk into the sun a euphemism for suicide

22
May
18

Reporting to The Ruler


*** DISCLAIMER – THIS BLOG IS FICTION AND THE AUTHOR IS NOT LIABLE FOR THE ACTIONS OF ANYONE WHO PERSISTS IN THINKING IT IS NOT FICTION ***

Readers will have noticed that the frequency in my posts has been somewhat erratic of late.

This is because The Ruler has tasked me with reporting on the Debutante Vampires in Britain.

My readers may remember that it was a Debutante Vampire who killed prominent humans last year.

Before this, people were saying that standards of training had dropped.

I took little notice of this, as I have my own problems and also because it is a complaint I have heard every decade since I have been an Old Vampire.

It seems that this complaint, coupled with the results of the interviews The Ruler’s Men have had with The Human Killer, have spurred on our Ruler to act with unprecedented speed.

Because of this I have been recently tasked with a new duty: to make an inspection of the Debutantes we have.

A list of the few we have is supplied to me by the Status Keeper and I now travel yearly to interview them.

I have until the end of the year to interview each Debutante, but when I enquired I was informed that it was up to my discretion when I carry out each interview.

The task is a pleasant one; an opportunity to live in a castle for a week per Debutante and see how their training is carried out.

Jane was not best pleased to be back in a castle again but has hidden her displeasure with good grace.

As for myself, it gives me opportunities to cement old allies, make new ones and to make enemies afraid.

My enemies know I would not give false report of training; with good reason they are afraid of what information my servant and I will find out while I am here.

Glossary
Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons
Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire
Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society. They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes. They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.
The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity
The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans
Fence an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing
The Hunters see Vampire Hunters
Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.
New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs. This started after Dracula came out.
Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative
Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say
Old Vampires vampires who are polite society. Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.
Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society
The Ruler’s Men people employed by The Ruler to do anything she or he asks
Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release
Sire the vampire who made you a vampire
Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status. See Negatives and Thousands
Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points
Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points
Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes
Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves. Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve
Walk into the sun a euphemism for suicide

14
May
18

Compact Discs


Another item I have to hide from my clients is my CD player.

Most Old Vampires are bemoaning the loss of gramophone records and being forced to use vinyl, whereas I picked up the habit of using CDs when I was working at the prison, where I learnt that practically anything could be burnt on to and thus stored on compact disc.

I did not yet have a servant and found it difficult to purchase records on vinyl, as not many shops stored them.

I used to save up, travel to London and spend all my money on vinyl, except for what was necessary to purchase a good meal.

While this was enjoyable, I only had the funds to do this once or twice a year, since nearly all my money goes into repairing my savings and investments.

I found it much easier buying compact discs and now I can send Jane out to make the purchases. Old Vampires do not care what a servant buys unless it is for them.

If other Old Vampires found out about my usage of compact discs, I would be ridiculed. They would say that the technology is too new and it will not stand the test of time.

I fear they are correct, but I am now used to compact discs and would find it difficult to change back.

I still make a trip to London once a year to keep up the pretence of buying vinyl.

In reality I go window shopping and funnel the money I would have used into savings and investments.

I still keep to the old ways and have Jane display the record player at home, while my compact disc player is kept at the office.

I chafe at this, but a compact disc player at the office can be explained away.

I will have to wait until a century has passed for it to be on display at home.

Glossary
Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons
Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire
Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society. They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes. They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.
The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity
The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans
Fence an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing
The Hunters see Vampire Hunters
Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.
New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs. This started after Dracula came out.
Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative
Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say
Old Vampires vampires who are polite society. Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.
Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society
The Ruler’s Men people employed by The Ruler to do anything she or he asks
Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release
Sire the vampire who made you a vampire
Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status. See Negatives and Thousands
Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points
Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points
Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes
Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves. Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve
Walk into the sun a euphemism for suicide

10
May
18

My Office


*** DISCLAIMER – THIS BLOG IS FICTION AND THE AUTHOR IS NOT LIABLE FOR THE ACTIONS OF ANYONE WHO PERSISTS IN THINKING IT IS NOT FICTION ***

When I joined The Committee, I furnished my office as Old Vampires would expect to find it.

Offices are not natural haunts of Old Vampires. They are rooms in which servants would conduct business, but not Old Vampires.

If an Old Vampire is sitting across from me, it is only because their business cannot be pursued at the club and I must make them comfortable.

I must have a desk to work at, but it is the traditional wood and green found in many a castle at which any Old Vampire would pursue business.

The drawers mainly hold a choice selection of cigars, cigarettes and cigarillos for my clients. My laptop hides away there from my customers and my telephone is unplugged and put away when they arrive.

I keep a choice selection of drink in a cabinet. One of the butlers who is supervising my servant Jane’s training asked permission to use it. I agreed with the proviso that he would make any suggestions necessary, which greatly pleased him.

I have a chaise longue and sofa on the other side of the desk for my clients’ ease. The carpets are Turkish and the floor is piled high with them. Some clients prefer to sit on them, in which case I join them and the hookah pipe is brought out for our enjoyment.

Thanks to the new invention of the telephone, I can have Jane travel to my office to dispense drink and smokes, then sit and take notes.

While the two paintings on the walls are not Monet nor Renoir, they are the only serviceable items the previous incumbent left behind. The rest of the furnishings came from my castle before it was sold.

The last incumbent wished to make his clients leave as soon as possible so he could pursue his own interests, but if that happens I will not be told what I need to know so I can obtain a good resolution for my clients.

Glossary
Bonded Wedding : Old Vampire marriage for political reasons
Common Status : the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire
Debutante Vampires : before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society. They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes. They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.
The Committee : see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity
The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity : a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans
Fence : an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing
The Hunters : see Vampire Hunters
Negatives : Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.
New Vampires : vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs. This started after Dracula came out.
Notice : the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative
Obligation : when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say
Old Vampires : vampires who are polite society. Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.
Parent : the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society
The Ruler’s Men : people employed by The Ruler to do anything she or he asks
Shun : a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release
Sire : the vampire who made you a vampire
Status : a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status. See Negatives and Thousands
Status Keeper : the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points
Thousands : Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points
Vampire Hunters : New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes
Vampire Servants : servants who are vampires themselves. Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve
Walk into the sun : a euphemism for suicide

30
Apr
18

What Vampires Do


*** DISCLAIMER – THIS BLOG IS FICTION AND THE AUTHOR IS NOT LIABLE FOR THE ACTIONS OF ANYONE WHO PERSISTS IN THINKING IT IS NOT FICTION ***

I was recently asked what an Old Vampire does.  We do not “do” anything, we exist as we are

The human then asked what we did for a living.  With the exception of Michelle, myself and a few unfortunates, we do not work.

I have a j.o.b. at The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity and Michelle has a j.o.b. at the prison as someone must see to the needs of the Old Vampire prisoners who are kept there.

The unfortunate human received a half an hour lecture on what we actually do.  I will condense it down into a few paragraphs

We Old Vampires have money and do not need to work.  We spend time looking after our investments, hosting parties and spending time at our club.

It is a lovely existence and I wish I was still in that state.  However, I have no one but myself to blame.

Those of us who do work have been forced into it.  I would say “by means beyond our control” but we few Old Vampires who do work are those who have made bad plans or whose schemes have not come off.

While it pains me to have anything in common with Michelle, it is by our own hands that our downfall came about.

Michelle killed humans to bring about a return to the old ways and the job is part of her reformation.  She has not killed anyone important for one hundred years.

I carefully checked the reports on her eating habits myself before signing the documents which made me her supervisor, as my Status would fall if she returned to old ways.

I contracted a gambling habit, lost both money and castle and could not afford to turn down paid employment.

However, we do not enjoy these jobs and we both plan to remove ourselves from them.

We would not be Old Vampires if we were not planning such.

Glossary

Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons

Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire

Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society.  They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes.  They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.

The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity

The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans

Fence an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing

The Hunters see Vampire Hunters

Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.

New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs.  This started after Dracula came out.

Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative

Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say

Old Vampires vampires who are polite society.  Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.

Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society

The Ruler’s Men people employed by The Ruler to do anything she or he asks

Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release

Sire the vampire who made you a vampire

Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status.  See Negatives and Thousands

Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points

Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points

Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes

Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves.  Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve

Walk into the sun a euphemism for suicide




Lonely Blogs

lonelyblogs.com blog directory
Advertisements