Posts Tagged ‘jane

09
Jul
18

Explaining


*** DISCLAIMER – THIS BLOG IS FICTION AND THE AUTHOR IS NOT LIABLE FOR THE ACTIONS OF ANYONE WHO PERSISTS IN THINKING IT IS NOT FICTION ***

I have had some explaining to do lately.  I was “invited” to my club and told to sit down amidst a gathering of my peers.

I was then told I had been entertaining New Vampires regularly at my “place of residence”.

My jaw dropped at this.  Someone must have seen the new New Vampire Representative enter my home and lose no time in selling on this information.

I mustered my composure and replied that only one New Vampire had entered my home and surely this is a matter for The Ruler’s Men.

There was uproar at this and when the room had quietened down an ally of mine called James asked me why even one New Vampire was entering my home.

I explained that it was the new New Vampire Representative who had come on business and that, as much as I wanted to, I had no grounds to refuse him as he was observing Old Vampire etiquette.

That drew murmurs from the crowd and looks of sympathy from my allies, because we all observe the proper etiquette and if they had been in my place could not have refused Darren entry.

I then remembered what I learnt from the Human Police Representative, looked them straight in their eyes and asked if they had any proof.

There were more mutters at this and so I asked if they had any eyewitnesses and the mutters dissipated somewhat.

So, I sighed and said that I was sorry they had gone to all this trouble on the strength of bad information, stood up and left.

Jane was waiting for me in a state of agitation when I came home and I had to spend some time dispelling her fears that we would be turned out of the house I own.  It is only New Vampires who act like mobs.

Glossary

Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons

Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire

Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society.  They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes.  They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.

The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity

The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans

Fence an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing

The Hunters see Vampire Hunters

Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.

New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs.  This started after Dracula came out.

Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative

Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say

Old Vampires vampires who are polite society.  Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.

Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society

The Ruler’s Men people employed by The Ruler to do anything she or he asks

Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release

Sire the vampire who made you a vampire

Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status.  See Negatives and Thousands

Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points

Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points

Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes

Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves.  Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve

Walk into the sun a euphemism for suicide

Advertisements
13
Jun
18

Employees


*** DISCLAIMER – THIS BLOG IS FICTION AND THE AUTHOR IS NOT LIABLE FOR THE ACTIONS OF ANYONE WHO PERSISTS IN THINKING IT IS NOT FICTION ***

I have a natural advantage over human employers because I have been an employer for several centuries.

One of the rules I live by and which many human employers do not seem to understand is to keep those you employ happy.

For example, many human employers would ignore Jane’s unhappiness at living in castle after castle while I am ascertaining that Debutante Vampires are being trained properly.

They may even retort that it is “part of the job”.  That is certainly true, but dissatisfied employees always find a way to take out their unhappiness on their employers, whereas a happy employee does their best to carry out your wishes.

Of course, there is a limit to how far you indulge your employees.  For example, I have rejected Jane’s request for an extra day off for more training.

I am satisfied with the way Jane is progressing.  While she is not perfect, most of her duties are performed well and there has been a gradual improvement in the standard of her work over the years she has worked for me.

Most human employers do not realise that if the standard of work of your employee is dropping, they need to speak to the employee and ascertain what is wrong.

It is normally the butler’s job to do this.  A good butler will do this before his employer realises there is anything wrong

Since I have no butler, I am responsible for staff relations.  It is not an easy job, but fortunately I only have Jane and Michelle at the prison to oversee.

I do not like that Michelle is my employee, but it has been made clear that I am responsible for both her successes and her failures while she is at the prison.

Glossary

Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons

Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire

Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society.  They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes.  They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.

The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity

The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans

Fence an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing

The Hunters see Vampire Hunters

Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.

New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs.  This started after Dracula came out.

Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative

Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say

Old Vampires vampires who are polite society.  Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.

Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society

The Ruler’s Men people employed by The Ruler to do anything she or he asks

Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release

Sire the vampire who made you a vampire

Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status.  See Negatives and Thousands

Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points

Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points

Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes

Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves.  Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve

Walk into the sun a euphemism for suicide

05
Jun
18

Jane


*** DISCLAIMER – THIS BLOG IS FICTION AND THE AUTHOR IS NOT LIABLE FOR THE ACTIONS OF ANYONE WHO PERSISTS IN THINKING IT IS NOT FICTION ***

My servant Jane is now out of sorts because of all the time we have recently spent living in castles.

She claims that the training she receives from other Old Vampire Servants is being disrupted.

In reality, the reason is that Jane simply does not like castles, which is why she is the only servant presiding over a semi-detached house instead of one amongst many in a castle.

I speculate that this dislike comes about in part because when she is in a castle she will be treated as a curiosity to be endured.

No other Old Vampire Servant is the sole servant in a home and Jane must fulfil all functions, which is why she continues to have so much training.

I have refused a request for an extra half day off, pointing out that she has centuries to complete her training and cannot absorb it all in one decade, no matter how fast she learns.

Indeed, all Old Vampire butlers have the attitude that perfection is something to be continually strived for and only while striving will one maintain that state.

I suspect the other reason why she dislikes castles is because she is not in control of what is going on.

I must spend some time at home in order to placate her, or goodness knows what will happen next.

An unhappy servant of any kind can wreak havoc with a well-run house, “forgetting” or “mislaying” objects and instructions.

Jane is a good servant and I am loath to annoy her without due cause, as it could cause her to seek employment elsewhere.

While it is not unusual for junior servants to change employers, it is less usual for senior servants and almost unheard of for butlers.

This will be the first time I have had to tiptoe around a servant as the butler normally sorts out all such matters.

Glossary

Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons

Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire

Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society.  They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes.  They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.

The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity

The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans

Fence an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing

The Hunters see Vampire Hunters

Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.

New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs.  This started after Dracula came out.

Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative

Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say

Old Vampires vampires who are polite society.  Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.

Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society

The Ruler’s Men people employed by The Ruler to do anything she or he asks

Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release

Sire the vampire who made you a vampire

Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status.  See Negatives and Thousands

Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points

Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points

Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes

Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves.  Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve

Walk into the sun a euphemism for suicide

14
May
18

Compact Discs


Another item I have to hide from my clients is my CD player.

Most Old Vampires are bemoaning the loss of gramophone records and being forced to use vinyl, whereas I picked up the habit of using CDs when I was working at the prison, where I learnt that practically anything could be burnt on to and thus stored on compact disc.

I did not yet have a servant and found it difficult to purchase records on vinyl, as not many shops stored them.

I used to save up, travel to London and spend all my money on vinyl, except for what was necessary to purchase a good meal.

While this was enjoyable, I only had the funds to do this once or twice a year, since nearly all my money goes into repairing my savings and investments.

I found it much easier buying compact discs and now I can send Jane out to make the purchases. Old Vampires do not care what a servant buys unless it is for them.

If other Old Vampires found out about my usage of compact discs, I would be ridiculed. They would say that the technology is too new and it will not stand the test of time.

I fear they are correct, but I am now used to compact discs and would find it difficult to change back.

I still make a trip to London once a year to keep up the pretence of buying vinyl.

In reality I go window shopping and funnel the money I would have used into savings and investments.

I still keep to the old ways and have Jane display the record player at home, while my compact disc player is kept at the office.

I chafe at this, but a compact disc player at the office can be explained away.

I will have to wait until a century has passed for it to be on display at home.

Glossary
Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons
Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire
Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society. They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes. They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.
The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity
The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans
Fence an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing
The Hunters see Vampire Hunters
Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.
New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs. This started after Dracula came out.
Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative
Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say
Old Vampires vampires who are polite society. Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.
Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society
The Ruler’s Men people employed by The Ruler to do anything she or he asks
Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release
Sire the vampire who made you a vampire
Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status. See Negatives and Thousands
Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points
Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points
Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes
Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves. Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve
Walk into the sun a euphemism for suicide

24
Apr
18

Moon


*** DISCLAIMER – THIS BLOG IS FICTION AND THE AUTHOR IS NOT LIABLE FOR THE ACTIONS OF ANYONE WHO PERSISTS IN THINKING IT IS NOT FICTION ***

I have never liked the moon because it shows us flying, which makes it easier for night-flying creatures to attempt to predate us.

It is impossible for birds to kill us, but many a servant has shown up at the back door of a castle that was not their destination worse for such an attack and requiring rest and sustenance before moving on to their destination.

Unfortunately for the servant, the price of rest and sustenance is the duty they were sent on being known by the servants of that castle.

We realise that this is an unfortunate turn of events and not the servant’s fault.  However, this is one of the reasons why the telephone has recently caught on so quickly.

Old Vampires rarely fly; we must arrive by carriage at events, although cars are used for everynight use.   Adele charges me a pretty penny for hire of hers, but since I lack a castle I lack stables; inns and hostelries no longer have stables.

I now own a Porsche and since I have paid for Jane to obtain a driving licence she lives to take it out for a spin and is eager to break the speed limit, whereas I am not.  The proper time to arrive is the time at which you arrive at.

Other than that, the moon does not affect us as it does the werewolves and humans.

The word “lunacy” is derived from “luna” which is a word for the Moon.  Humans have always been affected by it, although their sceptics deny it.

The moon also affects our night vision.  Old Vampire Servants have been injured when clouds moved and the moon suddenly shone when they were swooping to avoid an obstacle.

Since I left the prison I only fly during emergencies, as any Old Vampire should.

Flying used to be common practice, now it is only something servants utilise.

Glossary

Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons

Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire

Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society.  They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes.  They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.

The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity

The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans

Fence an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing

The Hunters see Vampire Hunters

Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.

New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs.  This started after Dracula came out.

Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative

Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say

Old Vampires vampires who are polite society.  Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.

Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society

The Ruler’s Men people employed by The Ruler to do anything she or he asks

Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release

Sire the vampire who made you a vampire

Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status.  See Negatives and Thousands

Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points

Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points

Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes

Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves.  Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve

Walk into the sun a euphemism for suicide

14
Feb
18

Return


*** DISCLAIMER – THIS BLOG IS FICTION AND THE AUTHOR IS NOT LIABLE FOR THE ACTIONS OF ANYONE WHO PERSISTS IN THINKING IT IS NOT FICTION ***

I apologise for the enforced gap between when I last wrote and now.

An Old Vampire, grateful to myself for removing a problem with the local werewolves, organised a holiday in Russia as a reward.

The problem had been easy enough to remove; I talked to the Werewolf Representative and it turned out that the pack had been a thorn in her side and she was glad of any excuse to discipline them.

Michelle, who took over my job in the prison, was glad to take over my duties and I spent a day briefing her.

Unfortunately, her attitude towards me has worsened; I did not have time to address this before I left, but I will do so soon.

As usual, I had to endure my servant Jane in a heightened state of excitement.  Her taste in music has not improved.

Until she worked for me she did not visit other countries, whereas I have visited all European countries, a few Asian and African ones and I went to the Americas once.

I am pleased to say that my hosts commented favourably on Jane’s behaviour; the lessons she has been receiving from various Old Vampire Butlers have improved her and when I next see them I will tip them over-generously.

She is in an unusual position as she is the only servant to an Old Vampire and they do not want her to let the side down, so according to them and I, her lessons are mandatory.

The holiday itself was most enjoyable and I was able to strengthen connections between British and Russian Old Vampires.

Jane also strengthened connections between British and Russian Old Vampire Servants.  It is not for me to ask why, but I can make an educated guess.

You never know when you will need connections in a tight spot.

Glossary

Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons

Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire

Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society.  They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes.  They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.

The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity

The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans

Fence an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing

The Hunters see Vampire Hunters

Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.

New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs.  This started after Dracula came out.

Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative

Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say

Old Vampires vampires who are polite society.  Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.

Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society

The Ruler’s Men people employed by The Ruler to do anything she or he asks

Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release

Sire the vampire who made you a vampire

Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status.  See Negatives and Thousands

Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points

Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points

Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes

Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves.  Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve

Walk into the sun a euphemism for suicide

04
Dec
17

My Club


*** DISCLAIMER – THIS BLOG IS FICTION AND THE AUTHOR IS NOT LIABLE FOR THE ACTIONS OF ANYONE WHO PERSISTS IN THINKING IT IS NOT FICTION ***

Yesterday I went to my club for the first time since my divorce.

As one who wished to annoy me pointed out “it was a shame that work had kept me away”.  I retorted that it may be work, but The Ruler was my employer and let them think on that.

While some drew near me for the entertainment value, some purposefully avoided me because of my divorce.

Men seemed more intrigued with me than women.  The unasked question was when I was going to marry again and whom?

I have no intention of marrying again, but it would not be polite to inform them and they would be shocked that I was breaking yet another tradition.

So I merely said that I would consider any unattached males that presented themselves in polite society.

Naturally this lead to a discussion about what was polite society and I was able to slip away to a chair, a drink and the financial news.

By this point it became clear that the Old Vampire Servants of the club were bending over backwards to accommodate my wishes.  This is very gratifying and I am making the most of it while it lasts.

When I reached home I could contain my curiosity no longer and asked my servant Jane why I was receiving such preferential treatment.

She confirmed it was because I had supported her actions in calling in the Human Police when Jeremy turned up at my house and tried to keep her out of my divorce.

She went on to say that I may be breaking tradition when it comes to Old Vampires, but I was holding up all the traditions of Old Vampire Servants.

The Human Police have never been called in to an Old Vampire dispute, but Jane was powerless without them.

Glossary

Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons

Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire

Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society.  They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes.  They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.

The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity

The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans

Fence an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing

The Hunters see Vampire Hunters

Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.

New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs.  This started after Dracula came out.

Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative

Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say

Old Vampires vampires who are polite society.  Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.

Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society

The Ruler’s Men people employed by The Ruler to do anything she or he asks

Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release

Sire the vampire who made you a vampire

Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status.  See Negatives and Thousands

Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points

Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points

Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes

Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves.  Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve

Walk into the sun a euphemism for suicide




Lonely Blogs

lonelyblogs.com blog directory
Advertisements