27
Nov
15

Christmas


*** DISCLAIMER – THIS BLOG IS FICTION AND THE AUTHOR IS NOT LIABLE FOR THE ACTIONS OF ANYONE WHO PERSISTS IN THINKING IT IS NOT FICTION ***

My colleagues have already been talking about Christmas, which should be a four-letter word.

I loathe and despise it. Unfortunately my servant Jane as well as my colleagues adore it and the adoration has spread to The Committee.

Nosferatu, the New Vampire Representative, is trying to get us to go out for Christmas drinks.

I have refused, as the Human Police Representative, Andy, and I will have to escort the Old Vampire who killed humans into the prison and make sure his needs are attended to.

Sasha, the Werewolf Representative, is talking about Christmas decorations in our meetings.

Andy has forestalled her by quoting Health and Safety at her. I am quite sure that this is nonsense, but I backed him up as I would like to see one place where there are no decorations.

It will be impossible in my house as Jane is already organising them, as well as Christmas cake and pudding. At least she has stopped moping, however I am not sure that the singing of Christmas carols is an improvement.

I have drawn the line at putting on one of those stupid hats, although I have told Jane that she is at liberty to wear what she wants within the bounds of decency and taste.

At least I have the refuge of my club. I checked with their butler and thankfully the very idea they might have anything to do with Christmas shocked him. I then had to tip him so he would get over the shock.

Unfortunately I am unable to do any work on behalf of Old Vampires in my club, as I cannot risk another Old Vampire “overseeing” any documents that I may be working on.

Otherwise I would be patronising my club every spare moment I have and a lot of moments I don’t have.

Glossary

Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons

Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire

Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society. They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes. They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.

The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity

The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans

Fence an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing

The Hunters see Vampire Hunters

Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.

New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs. This started after Dracula came out.

Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative

Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say

Old Vampires vampires who are polite society. Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.

Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society

The Ruler’s Men people employed by The Ruler to do anything she or he asks

Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release

Sire the vampire who made you a vampire

Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status. See Negatives and Thousands

Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points

Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points

Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes

Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves. Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve

Walk into the sun a euphemism for suicide

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