If we ran the Police

*** DISCLAIMER – THIS BLOG IS FICTION AND THE AUTHOR IS NOT LIABLE FOR THE ACTIONS OF ANYONE WHO PERSISTS IN THINKING IT IS NOT FICTION ***

At the last meeting of The Committee I was asked what it would be like if we ran the police.

My answer was that we would make people obey the laws of the land without bending or breaking them ourselves, unlike the Human police.

This is true, but it would be our laws instead of the humans’. I imagine that The King’s Men would particularly like to bring an unruly human population into line, which would be simply delicious to all vampires.

In Britain, The Ruler makes our law.  In Venice it is The Doge, who is elected by The Council of Ten.  Some countries have a Chief, which is a hereditary post chosen from whom she or he has sired or whom she or he names as successor.

It does not really matter to us how other countries choose their Ruler; what matters is the laws their Ruler makes and for some people, how to deal with the current Ruler and her or his retinue.

When going on holiday it is always best to obtain a copy of the local laws for vampires from The Status Keeper and memorise them.

In countries where humans are ruled by bribery or corruption the law often means leaving the best prey for your hosts.  There are usually areas where you cannot hunt unless you give officials a hefty bribe.

Others have stricter laws, especially regarding what prey you can and cannot hunt.

In African countries this is often the political opposition; we can only hunt one or two opponents in other countries and none at all in Britain where since medieval times we have not been given leave to hunt political opponents.

Instead, we hunt people who will not be missed.  The homeless and friendless are easy targets.  Stalking someone else is more difficult, but more fun.

Glossary

Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons

Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire

Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society.  They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes.  They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.

The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity

The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans

Fence an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing

The Hunters see Vampire Hunters

Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.

New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs.  This started after Dracula came out.

Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative

Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say

Old Vampires vampires who are polite society.  Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.

Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society

The Ruler’s Men people employed by The Ruler to do anything she or he asks

Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release

Sire the vampire who made you a vampire

Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status.  See Negatives and Thousands

Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points

Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points

Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes

Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves.  Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve

Walk into the sun a euphemism for suicide