09
Dec
12

Zombies


*** DISCLAIMER – THIS BLOG IS FICTION AND THE AUTHOR IS NOT LIABLE FOR THE ACTIONS OF ANYONE WHO PERSISTS IN THINKING IT IS NOT FICTION ***

At a meeting of The Committee last night Nosferatu, the New Vampire representative, told us that the Caribbean undead wanted to export zombies here.

Pandemonium reigned for several minutes, which I ended by standing on the table and shouting for order.

Andy, the human policeman who thinks he has jurisdiction over us, stated that we couldn’t have zombies in Britain because if their owner was distracted they would cause havoc.    Sasha, who is the Werewolf liaison and I do not want them here either.

It was a unanimous and ignoble defeat for Nosferatu.  From his demeanour I suspect he has made promises he cannot keep to his Caribbean friends.

New Vampires do not have servants and have to do any physical work themselves.  Both Vampires and humans can control zombies, which is why Nosferatu wants them in Britain.

Old Vampires don’t want them as we have enough intelligence to realise that a zombie will do exactly what you tell it and not what you mean.

For example, if you tell a zombie to dig the garden, it will take a spade and dig up the entire garden, lawn and all, only stopping where the garden meets walls and fences.

An Old Vampire Servant would realise that you only wanted the vegetable patch dug over and leave it at that.

I’ve met some zombies myself and they are merely tools to do a job with, having no brains to think with and certainly no intelligence.

The Caribbean Old Vampires own one or two because they are supposed to, but tend to use them as mobile coat-stands.

If we had zombies in our castles, our Servants would give notice.  After all, they have Standards to maintain and would quite correctly refuse to work beside such creatures in the castle.

Glossary

Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons

Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire

Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society.  They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes.  They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.

The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity

The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans

Fence an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing

The Hunters see Vampire Hunters

Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.

New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs.  This started after Dracula came out.

Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative

Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say

Old Vampires vampires who are polite society.  Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.

Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society

The Ruler’s Men people employed by The Ruler to do anything she or he asks

Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release

Sire the vampire who made you a vampire

Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status.  See Negatives and Thousands

Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points

Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points

Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes

Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves.  Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve

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