30
Jan
12

Not Real Vampires


*** DISCLAIMER – THIS BLOG IS FICTION AND THE AUTHOR IS NOT LIABLE FOR THE ACTION OF ANYONE WHO PERSISTS IN THINKING IT IS NOT FICTION ***

Another reason that the vampires in Twilight really irritate me is because they are not real vampires.

Old Vampires all either have blond or red hair, with complexions enhanced by artificial aids to give that sun-kissed look.

It has never been easier to look human, now that we have sun-beds and fake tans.

When vampires were believed in, there were humans who were stupid enough to look at an Old Vampire who did not look dark and pale and think she or he was human.

Unlike Twilight, neither Old nor New Vampires would for a second entertain going to school.

If Old Vampires need educating, another Old Vampire will teach them.  New Vampires will not even entertain the very concept of being taught.

I once suggested that Nosferatu, the New Vampire representative on The Committee, would benefit from finding a teacher to teach him art.

His temper exploded so much he practically turned to ash on the spot.  Thankfully he did not pull a stake on me, or I would have had to deal with him.

Another problem I have with Twilight is that their vampires get blood from animals.  Not even a New Vampire would stoop that low.

The Twilight vampires have difficulty controlling themselves when they see blood from a papercut.  It doesn’t fit with the fact that one of them works as a doctor.

Both Old and New Vampires have to have control.  We Old Vampires are taught this as Debutante Vampires.

I believe New Vampires police their own on this matter, as some Old Vampires have seen New Vampires staking one another.

As for work, for Old Vampires it’s a four letter word.  New Vampires avoid it as much as possible, but many of them have to work.

Glossary

Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons

Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire

Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society.  They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes.  They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.

The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity

The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans

Fence an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing

The Hunters see Vampire Hunters

Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.

New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs.  This started after Dracula came out.

Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative

Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say

Old Vampires vampires who are polite society.  Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.

Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society

Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release

Sire the vampire who made you a vampire

Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status.  See Negatives and Thousands

Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points

Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points

Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes

Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves.  Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve

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