22
Jan
12

Twilight


*** DISCLAIMER – THIS BLOG IS FICTION AND THE AUTHOR IS NOT LIABLE FOR THE ACTION OF ANYONE WHO PERSISTS IN THINKING IT IS NOT FICTION ***

My colleagues at the prison have been trying to persuade me to go to the cinema to see the movie “Twilight”.

Unlike the vampires in Twilight we would not be seen alive with red-rimmed eyes or any marks which distinguish us from humans.  It’s far too dangerous.

I read one of those books and all it is about is a soppy teenager who is always being rescued by a vampire.  If one of us rescued a soppy teenager from humans the only use we’d have for her would be for drink.

That girl in the books has none of the hard-headed practicality and common sense we look for in a Debutante Vampire.

Worse, the book describes her as dark haired and fair skinned.  Since Dracula that has been the look of the archetypal vampire.

Since Dracula no Old Vampire would literally be caught alive looking like that.

The underlying message that this girl would not have got involved with vampires if she had two parents also irritates me.

But what irritates me the most is that the message of this book is that even when the parents are monstrous vampires the girl is better off with two parents, rather than a single-parent family.

Until the 20th century it has been common for parents to die like mine did.  Disease, war, famine or violence often killed.

This book reeks of smug satisfaction in what the author would call “normal” life.

Working with humans has reminded me that there’s no such thing as a normal life because the human way of living has such great variety, especially in this day and age when there is more freedom.

Why stupid books and films like this are trying to reduce the variety of life I will never know.

Glossary

Bonded Wedding Old Vampire marriage for political reasons

Common Status the point at where an Old Vampire becomes a real Vampire

Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society.  They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes.  They are the only Old Vampires who have a zero level of Status and are acceptable.

The Committee see The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity

The Committee to Regulate Non-Human Activity a committee that meets monthly and talks about affairs to do with werewolves, vampires and humans

Fence an Old Vampire fight in which they fight to the first blood using fencing

The Hunters see Vampire Hunters

Negatives Old Vampires with zero or negative points of Status.

New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs.  This started after Dracula came out.

Notice the Status Keeper serves a Notice on an Old Vampire whose Status has reduced to zero that they are in danger of becoming a Negative

Obligation when one vampire is under an obligation from another s/he has to do as they say

Old Vampires vampires who are polite society.  Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.

Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society

Shun a vampire who has committed a sex crime is shunned on their release

Sire the vampire who made you a vampire

Status a ranking system which denotes whether you are an acceptable member of Old Vampire society, which is if you have plus points of status.  See Negatives and Thousands

Status Keeper the Old Vampire in charge of the Status points

Thousands Old Vampires whose Status is over a hundred points

Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes

Vampire Servants servants who are vampires themselves.  Mostly Old Vampires, one of their functions is to repeat information and gossip to the Old Vampires they serve

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