06
Dec
10

Funeral


*** DISCLAIMER – THIS BLOG IS FICTION AND THE AUTHOR IS NOT LIABLE FOR THE ACTION OF ANYONE WHO PERSISTS IN THINKING IT IS NOT FICTION ***

Well, that was another fine funeral gone wrong.  Some Old Vampires were mourning Eloise and some New Vampires turned up and started dancing on her grave.

Of course, the Old Vampires were not going to let that go and told the New Vampires to go elsewhere, whereupon a New Vampire swung a punch at an Old Vampire and all hell was let loose.

So yours truly and Nosferatu, who is the New Vampire Liaison were rousted out of our coffins at the unearthly hour of ten o’clock in the morning by the human police to go down to the graveyard to deal with this.

Needless to say, neither of us were pleased.  As I told all the vampires, we should not be spending our time refereeing punch-ups.

As Liaisons, our jobs are to “promote understanding and tolerance between all communities”, which is a load of rubbish.  We are really there to make sure that most of the human population does not find out about us.

The vast majority of the population does not and will not believe in us unless we bite our existence into their throats.  So it is not good if anyone witnesses vampires leaving marks in stone.

Fortunately for us, but not for him, the vicar had been knocked out before he had seen too much.  He was taken to hospital and we made sure all the vampires dug deep in their pockets for the roof restoration fund.

If there’s one thing all vampires hate, it’s giving money to a body such as the church, which tried to wipe us out centuries ago.  We raised thousands of pounds for the church as we twisted those vampires’ arms.

Yes, the vampires are all sore losers, but I have too much status and Nosferatu has too much “standing” in his community for them to do anything about it.

Glossary

Debutante Vampires before Dracula came out, vampires who had been newly turned vampire were taught the rules of society.  They then “came out” when they were deemed presentable to vampire society as debutantes.

The Hunters see Vampire Hunters

New Vampires vampires who do not want to be Old Vampires, often live as Goths and hold down jobs.  This started after Dracula came out.

Old Vampires vampires who are polite society.  Either turned vampire before Dracula came out or were turned after by an Old Vampire and decided to join the Old Vampires.

Parent the vampire who brought you up (if you are an Old Vampire) in polite society

Sire the vampire who made you a vampire

Vampire Hunters New vampires who hunt down those vampires who have committed crimes against humans

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